As Vigilant As A Cat
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Ninth in our "Shakespeare Series" of post eps. This is the coda for "Compromising Positions". In this segment, Penelope Garcia has a bone to pick with Jennifer Jareau. Can our technical whiz overcome the deck stacked against her? TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors! A few housekeeping items for the day. First, we are pleased to announce that we are ahead of schedule and the FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE for the first ever ff. net based 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To vote, you can access the forum through either my (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969's profile pages. Details, rules and the voting ballot are available at the forum. We had seventy-nine unique nominators choose 130 of their fellow author's works. So, let's all go grab a ballot and choose the authors we feel deserve those votes. You have until November 30, 2010 to get your ballot entered. Don't forget to send it to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards private message box. Ballots will NOT be accepted at either ilovetvalot or tonnie2001969 inboxes.**_

_**Anyone that chooses to assist us in publicizing the voting process for the 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards can also visit our profile pages. We have a blurb written to copy and paste to either your profile pages or author's notes if you choose. We truly appreciate all the assistance our fellow authors have given us and hope you will continue to support this venture.**_

_**Second, we'd like to encourage you all to take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Participants can either PM us or join on the forum thread **__**telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**We also have a new discussion thread open for your comments called, "With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" available at the forum as well as a great new interview with our fellow talented author Starofoberon. Please drop by and leave your thoughts.**_

_**~THE FOLLOWING STORY IS NINTH IN OUR "SHAKESPEARE SERIES" OF POST-EPS. THIS IS (ONE OF) THE POST-EPS FOR "COMPROMISING POSTIONS".**_

* * *

**As Vigilant as a Cat**

**Chapter One**

Penelope Garcia blinked rapidly as she attempted to clear her eyes. Damned contacts, she grumbled to herself, barely resisting the urge to scrub the heels of her hands against her painful eye sockets. It would only make things worse, she knew...but damn, they itched.

Glancing at the clock on her makeshift desk, she quickly calculated the minutes she probably had left until someone else barged in the room with her and demanded yet another nearly impossible feat. Jeez, how the hell had JJ coped with these kinds of minute by minute hassles? How the hell hadn't the diminutive blonde collapsed under the weight of the sheer strain?

Screw Supergirl; Jennifer Jareau had quite obviously been Wonder Woman!

No wonder Rossi and Hotch had been half in love with her...her chica had mad skills and she, herself, hadn't even been aware of a quarter of them. So much for being the all-knowing goddess of the known universe! But, as much as she adored her best friend, she was currently overcome with the urge to wrap her hands around that becoming scrawny neck of hers and squeeze until her lips were as baby blue as those gorgeous eyes of hers.

Why the hell had she taken Jennifer freaking Jareau's advice and stuck her neck out this morning to Hotch? What the hell had ever possessed the svelte beauty to believe that she…tech whiz Penelope Garcia… was even a tenth as qualified for this job as her predecessor?

Heck, she'd never taken JJ for a woman that made rashly foolish decisions before!

And, worse yet, she'd actually fallen for the load of horse manure. Like a lamb to the slaughter, she'd gone to Hotch and made the case JJ had built for her, reciting her lines perfectly in a manner that would have made Shakespeare himself glimmer with pride.

And she'd gotten what she'd asked for. In spades.

Boy, had she ever!

It wasn't that she didn't want to do a good job; she did. Desperately. Her colleagues were her family, and disappointing even one of them was tantamount to catastrophic failure. But, for the love of Bill Gates, who the devil knew in this position WHAT was actually important! They ALL wanted something from her. ALL THE TIME! Hotch and the rest of their merry band of profilers, the local cops, the families of the victims...and each one of them wanted their answers.

NOW.

Of course, they all wanted the same answer...the identity of the unsub, but by the Dell gods, she was working as fast as humanly possible. Couldn't they see that? She was, after all, only one woman…contrary to what she'd led them all to believe for these oh so many years!

She needed to do something...she needed to vent...to purge the negative emotions threatening to overwhelm her angelic aura. And snatching up the cream colored receiver on the antiquated phone on her desk, she decided what better victim than the one that had set her on this not-so righteous path. Jabbing the tiny buttons with her purple tipped nails, a last holdout against the powers-that-be's quest to kill her inner color, she waited for her bestest gal pal to pick up the phone.

"Jennifer Jareau," JJ answered tersely, her voice coming through the utilitarian handset with a slightly tinny echo.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," Penelope chanted, her hands tightening on the phone's receiver as she relaxed almost automatically, JJ's voice a soothing balm to her savaged soul. "Well, not really," she amended quickly, her pert nose wrinkling, "but just imagine the havoc I could wreak on you if I really did," she teased, a faint smile tilting her lips.

"Pen? Is that you?" JJ asked, much more enthusiastic once she realized who was waiting on the opposite end of the line.

"You bet your shapely butt, sister, and have I got such a bone to pick with you," Penelope growled under her breath as she threw herself back in the torture device known as an office chair.

"What'd I do?" JJ asked quickly, her eyes widening slightly. A pissed of Penelope was a sight to behold in and of itself...but if you had been the one to tweak off the self-professed goddess, that was a whole different kind of trouble.

"Your former job SUCKS, Jareau," Pen hissed, the words drawn out for good measure. "And you let...no, you encouraged me to do it!"

"Oh, come on," JJ soothed, hoping to hide the smile that was certain to be heard in her words, "It's not that bad, is it?"

"Nooooo," Pen drawled, twirling in her chair and frowning as the phone cord became a noose - damned old fashioned phones...had these backwoods twerps never heard of hands-free? "It's worse," she ground out, batting at the torture device the phone had suddenly morphed into. Listening as JJ attempted to swallow a giggle - and not very well, she might add - Pen huffed, "So not funny, Ladybug...I'm sinking in a quagmire of quicksand over here and we both know how I hate to have my pretty feathers ruffled on my attractive tuckus."

Not even bothering to disguise her laughter this time, JJ giggled, "Now, that sounds a little disturbing."

"You have NO idea, Peaches," Pen sighed. Propping her chin in her hand, she continued, "The vein in my head has sprouted its own mouth, JJ. And you know what it's saying?"

"Mmm, tell me," JJ ordered, her eyes crinkling as she imagined Penelope's face, not having to stray too far in her thoughts to accurately picture her perfectly.

"It's sayin', 'Get out...You are NOT Jennifer Jareau.'."

"You aren't supposed to be me, Pen. You're you...only improved. You're Penelope Garcia 2.0."

"Oh, my little love, I am many things at the moment...but new and improved isn't among them," Pen shook her head at the other woman's cheerful tone. "I wanna come home now."

"No can do, Pen. You've got to show them that you can do this on your terms," JJ denied, shaking her blonde head immediately, not bothering to remember that her best friend couldn't see her response.

Wrinkling her nose, Pen whined, "But I don't wanna. JJ, I'm not me here. For crying out loud, I yelled at freaking Hotch...and Rossi! I might not make it home alive if I talk to Morgan," she worried, tapping her talons against the laminate desk top.

"Yes, you will," JJ argued insistently, emphasizing each word. "What did they say?"

"Well, Hotch just reminded me what I'd willingly signed myself up for," Pen grumbled, finally freeing herself of the pesky phone cord, throwing it away from her with a flick of her wrist.

"And Rossi?" JJ asked, her heart warming as she visualized the older man she and her son had begun spending more and more time with recently. Just the mere thought of the man caused her heart to catch suddenly while her cheeks seemed to warm.

"He said and I'm quoting here, 'The kitten has grown claws...Rawr!'" she mimicked in her best David Rossi impression, her fingers pawing the air.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors! A few housekeeping items for the day. First, we are pleased to announce that we are ahead of schedule and the FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE for the first ever ff. net based 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To vote, you can access the forum through either my (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969's profile pages. Details, rules and the voting ballot are available at the forum. We had seventy-nine unique nominators choose 130 of their fellow author's works. So, let's all go grab a ballot and choose the authors we feel deserve those votes. You have until November 30, 2010 to get your ballot entered. Don't forget to send it to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards private message box. Ballots will NOT be accepted at either ilovetvalot or tonnie2001969 inboxes.**_

_**Anyone that chooses to assist us in publicizing the voting process for the 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards can also visit our profile pages. We have a blurb written to copy and paste to either your profile pages or author's notes if you choose. We truly appreciate all the assistance our fellow authors have given us and hope you will continue to support this venture.**_

_**Second, we'd like to encourage you all to take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Participants can either PM us or join on the forum thread telling us 1) Which pairings you would feel comfortable writing, 2) the central pairing you'd like to be featured in the story you receive as a Christmas gift, and 3) Name a Christmas carol plus three Christmas-y prompts you'd like to see in the story you receive as a Christmas gift (you'll only have to use three of the four items in the actual fic). Assignments will be given on November 1st and you'll have until DECEMBER 25, 2010 to post your gift. Further details are available at the forum. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL!**_

_**We also have a new discussion thread open for your comments called, "With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" available at the forum as well as a great new interviews with our fellow talented authors Starofoberon, celticstarwolf, Fanatical Writer, FloatingAmoeba, and Flames101. Stop by and learn more about all our nominees in the Profiler's Choice Awards over the coming weeks! Please drop by and leave your thoughts.**_

_**~THE FOLLOWING STORY IS NINTH IN OUR "SHAKESPEARE SERIES" OF POST-EPS. THIS IS (ONE OF) THE POST-EPS FOR "COMPROMISING POSTIONS".**_

* * *

**As Vigilant as a Cat**

**Chapter Two**

"And you said?" JJ choked, her eyes filling with tears of mirth as she could almost hear Dave's deep voice in her mind.

"I threw a book at his head," Penelope replied readily. "Sadly, I missed...his ego was blocking my shot."

Trying valiantly to control the sound of her amusement, JJ gasped, "You didn't?"

"I soooo did," Garcia admitted, smiling in spite of herself. "Luckily, he wasn't angry. And he complimented me...told me I had better aim than his first and second wife...evidently number three could always hit what she was aiming at."

"Yeah, including his checkbook," JJ grunted, recalling Dave's description of the greedy witch he'd most recently been married to.

"Hmmm...you're learning a lot about our longtime Lothario," Garcia teased, leaning forward as she suddenly became far more interested in her best friend's predicament than her own.

"Former Lothario," JJ corrected immediately.

"When did you become David Rossi's loyal defender?" Garcia mocked.

"I guess about the time you started using him for target practice," JJ grinned easily.

"I told you that I missed," Garcia pouted, arching one brow. "I'd probably have felt a whole lot better if I'd actually connected with a body part."

"Well, let's try not to use our colleagues as human punching bags, okay?" JJ chided good-naturedly, settling into her own office chair as she reached for a blue folder on her Department of Defense desk. "I'm fairly certain that Hotch would deem it unprofessional."

"Buzzkill," Pen muttered. "And since when is the Boss Man such a freaking slave driver?"

"Uhmm, since always," JJ laughed, rolling her eyes at her friend's tone. "You were just spared his laser eye by being back at Quantico. Trust me, the rest of us are real familiar with it."

"It's creepy," Penelope complained with a humph.

"It's Hotch," JJ shrugged. "You get used to it."

"Maybe you do," Garcia grumbled, ignoring the sounds of footsteps outside her makeshift office, "But I am a benevolent deity and not used to the other gods casting dispersions on me."

"Persevere," JJ instructed gently. "It'll be worth it," she promised, her heart going out to her friend in her time of crisis. "It's just the first case, Pen. Give it some time."

"Easy for you to say...you're safe from Mr. Creepy Gaze and Mr. Grumpy Pants. I swear, if Rossi comes in here one more time and asks me if I've got anything else, I'm gonna..."

"Breathe, Pen," JJ interrupted, well aware of her friend's tendency to declare doom and gloom on anyone who dared to contradict her. "It's going to get easier. Hotch is just being extra cautious with you because you're new and Rossi..."

"...wants to get home to you?" Penelope grinned cheekily.

"Wh-what?" JJ faltered, a red blush staining her cheeks.

"Oh, puh-leeze, it's as obvious as the formerly pink streak in my hair that you and the Italian stallion are becoming a little closer than mere muchachos," the technical goddess mocked.

"Pen...," JJ began, her voice strangled. "Tell me you haven't shared that theory with Dave!"

"Would it bother you?" Garcia asked lightly, her tone ever so sweet.

"Yes!" JJ said, nodding emphatically even though Pen couldn't see her. The last thing she wanted was for Dave to feel pressured into defining whatever it was they were becoming. One of the reasons that she was so comfortable is that she knew he was sitting in practically the same boat.

"Don't worry," Garcia hushed her with a quick wave of her hand. "I haven't said a word. I just noted that he seemed super duper determined to get home by Halloween. And since Rossi isn't much on holidays...especially the kiddie ones…I did the math and came up with my little Henry. I'm right, aren't I?"

"We've discussed spending that evening together," JJ agreed lightly but determinedly non-committed.

"Buttercup, you're dating again!" Pen enthused.

"Are not," JJ insisted with sternness, "We're merely getting to know each other better." And if that involves a few stolen, heated kisses at the end of the night, who was she to argue?

"Not buying it," Garcia sing-songed, "And believe me, we will revisit the subject soon, but that isn't my problem right now."

"Your problem is that you're over thinking things, Garcie." JJ replied, thankful her friend was so easily distractible today. "Concentrate on doing what you do best."

"OG," Pen murmured to herself, remembering her earlier conversation with Derek.

"Huh?" JJ grunted, eyebrows furrowing as she attempted to decipher what the entire BAU team had warmly referred to as Garcia-speak. But even after years of working side by side with this woman, she was still uncertain of that particular acronym.

"Original Garcia," Pen explained. "Just something Derek told me earlier."

"Ah," JJ nodded, piecing the puzzle together quickly. "Well if that means you go back to the basics, I'm all for it," she agreed.

"I feel anything BUT basic right now, Peaches. I'm in a freaking suit," Garcia complained, plucking angrily at the tight sleeve of her jacket.

"Then change," JJ said quickly. "Taking this on didn't mean you should change all the things that make you who you are. Besides, you work better when you're in your groove."

"That's true," Garcia nodded. Squaring her shoulder as she reached for her go bag with one hand and pulled out a funky purple dress. "You're absolutely right. It's time to go old school."

"Go get 'em, girl," JJ grinned, reminding herself to ask Morgan for pictures later.

"Don't worry; I will," Garcia replied happily, wrapping her hands around her matching tights in the bag. "And JJ?" she said, more quietly.

"Yeah?" JJ said breathlessly, waving a visitor into her new office.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"Anytime, Garcie. Call me later and let me know how it goes."

"Okay," Garcia replied brightly. "Buh-bye, Buttercup," she said, hanging up the phone as she held her outfit up in front of her.

Morgan and JJ were right. She couldn't conform to fit the job, but she could wrap the job around an already existing goddess.

Rossi was right; her inner kitten had claws...and she was ready to scratch.

_**Finis**_


End file.
